thinking

in a few days, it will be my math exam.


but heh what am i doing now?
anyway, there's no school tmr, so i promise i will use the full day to do productive things because Jesus will help me :)


yes i'm in my thinking mode again.
just experienced a few slips here and there, but its nothing too great. i can feel myself relying on Jesus and the finished work more and more. none of myself. because lately i havent been sad for no reason.


but i have been a little sensitive these days. especially to things that insult my appearance. sometimes i feel like my friends in school will never understand how i feel about myself, because they are not me. and usually its over petty things that honestly, are not big enough to the extent of fueling a desire to kill and destroy.


nowadays, i very often feel the difference between the church and the world.
the church is a safe haven to me. it is where my family is and where i dont have to hear swear words and be put under their influence nor hear negativity and be irritated by it all the time.


the world is an ugly place where you cant force people to try and understand your situation or tell them about Christ cause they just wont understand. and people will force their ways on you and you have to keep on reminding yourself that Jesus is the biggest one or you will lose your head.


i hope no one is offended by this because i dont mean to offend anyone. i'm just stating my perspective, which anyone may completely disagree with but it's just my small opinion. no judgement.




on another hand, why do people try to be who they aren't?
why do they say one thing and mean another?
are they for real or are they faking it?
i don't know, but i am confused and i leave this to God.
is it insecurity, that causes one to do things and gain happiness from the sadness of others through unscrupulous triumph?
or jealousy, that causes one to lose one's mind and sin, betraying even their closest friends just to satisfy their envy?


as far as possible, i will not fall to that.
it is a promise i made to God. and I am safe in His and Jesus hands.
I don't want to be like them. even if they are truly prettier and more popular and more "accepted".
I want to be myself. and I have Jesus and he is the biggest one.
i have to keep reminding myself.


I'll dare to be different. and make a change in my own way.
i am different.

A butterfly landed.6:23 AM
I love the way you are.♥