it's 10:20.


i think i have this strange habit of liking to blog late at night.


but i think although i'm physically tired, i tend to think of a lot of things at night.
which means my cerebral activity is high which is maybe why i dont fall asleep that easily added on to the fact that i'm a really light sleeper.


but the fact remains that i'm awake right now.
just heard that there might be some tsunami tommorow.
i doubt it's actually gonna hit.
but just thinking about it is cool.
we'll all die.
technically, Jesus could come tommorow.
I don't know.


i don't want to die yet.
I want to be married.
worry free.
have a pair of twins.
tell my grandchildren my childhood memories since i can recall them from when i was 4.
tell my daughter about my first love.
live life.


i'm young. but i have to face the fact that i can't be a child anymore. life goes on.
i don't want to grow up, but yet i'm curious about adulthood.
i have always felt like i was ten.
in fact, i would describe myself as a 7-year-old child with an exceptionally high intellect beyond my age.
but i'm 170cm, 50kg.
i'm not a child.


i miss the kindergarten days where i walked on tin-can stilts on the grass playground and outshone my piano class.
i regret not treasuring my old room painted pink, my toys and my accessories which i so ungratefully cut up, played with as a child.
i miss the early primary school days where i was the loudest, most outspoken in class with a voice so loud that it made everyone else sound soft.
i miss the days where i just went to the playground every single day, hung on the monkey bars and daydreamed.
i miss the days where i simply approached boys in my estate without a trace of self-conciousness in my appearance, never expecting that they would enjoy my presence as a friend even though i was unreasonable at times.
i remember my first love.
i remember that feeling.
i remember all the silly things i did to get his attention, the boldness and audaciousness of the extents i would go to, deluded in innocent naivete that no one would refuse me.
and then i forgot him,
i moved house,
and I grew up.

A butterfly landed.7:19 AM
I love the way you are.♥