Wake me up when September ends

it's nearing the end of august.
why is this year passing so fast?


I don't want to grow up. I want to remain a child forever.


the world of adults, it sounds so stressful, so grown up, so fake, so old.


and then again, we find ourselves in moments like these, between adolescence and childhood.
there's just so much,on the broader scope,not just everyday matters, not just daily moments, in a matter of seconds, life changes.
I just want to grow wings and fly myself away from this harsh reality. i want time to stop, i don't want to have to go on and tell myself to face it all.


feeling a little ethereal this morning.


i think i'm doing pretty fine in school now. of course, by 'fine' i mean academic progress. on a social level i'm not sure if im unstable or stable.


i had a pretty bad day on wednesday. but everything got better right after that :)
of course, I was talking to Wilbur the other day with Janice and Yvette.
He says that so long as you know yourself, people can't insult you easily because you're not affected by what they say.
That's really true.


but i wanted to tell him, what if I didn't have a good opinion of myself? what if i was someone insecure who never knew who I really was and let people tell me who I was because i felt ugly and dumb over many things that have happened in the past? what if because of my family, because of my background, i felt that i was never good enough and the only reason why i wanted to do well in school was to prove my worth?


what if the only thing i've ever truly had was just Jesus?


but i didn't, because i think he'd be freaked out at what sort of weird girl I am. after all, he's two years older so therefore he should have some difference in mentality. i wonder how i'll think like when im seventeen. i'm not even fifteen yet haha.
maybe i'll look back and say that what i'm saying now 'was stupid', or maybe i'll agree with how a fifteen year old girl thinks like.


I know Jesus is with me and that one say he'll come back for me. but my leaders tell me that these things are all part and parcel of the process of growing up and gaining strength. I know. but growing up hurts especially when you're insecure. that's why i hold on to God all the time because if i didn't i'd break by now.


i think things are going to get better soon enough.


Yawwnnnnnnn. anyway, on a happier note, there's DARE today and today's the election day as well. it's surprising how i am quite interested in politics. also, i'm pretty sure flart is probably weaning now somewhere that she didn't get enough attention from someone. oh well not my problem.


yeah i lead a pretty boring life for a teenager, actually. most of the time, i'm either studying, in school, or on the computer. i'm just waiting for something exciting to happen to me, maybe a change in my life? i don' t know. i'm a good kid who doesn't go partying, i said.


speaking of which, something interesting happened last Thursday. Something happened, and then i was face to face with someone i had loved so much before, someone i was so insane about that i'd jump off a building. but this time, nothing happened. it's as though i didn't know him at all. on one hand i'm shocked and surprised that such a turn of events would come about, but on another hand i'm really proud that i felt nothing at all, not even the slightest race of a heartbeat. it's silly, i know. but he's a liar and i have no intention of reconciling. besides, i'm pretty sure he'll probably be someone who ends up in a few divorces, judging by his character now. But I don't really care much anyway.


Moving on, the esplanade performance is nearing :) hmm i wonder what's going to happen?
speaking of which, i haven't had a solo yet this year.
but i've performed many times alr :) or at least i will :)


i'm running out of things to say.
ohwell XD


Bye XD

A butterfly landed.7:08 PM
I love the way you are.♥