i happen to be really sad recently.


1) i got rejected by music ministry.
2) I gave up on liking him
3) I feel very ugly


EJ camp is coming soon, i hope for it to be really good. :) i haven't blogged in a long time cause there's honestly nothing interesting happening in my life.


i really cant remember the last time i was happy and thrilled about something. and now every time someone calls me name i feel the drag and i feel irritated. i need deliverance man. so i wonder who's reading my blog? sigh probably no one. the blog is the last place i ever come to to pour out my feelings. normally i keep everything inside me, and not many people know who i truly am. honestly, im a very sensitive person. i get sad easily and i throw fits and im imperfect and i feel ugly a lot.


like today, when i was rehearsing with the group. i dont know if i'm thinking too much, but i feel that _________ has this not so friendly attitude towards me and stuff. he's friendlier to joy, in my general opinion. well it's not his fault, because he knows that i used to like him before so he would feel weird around me. hmm but he probably doesnt know im not an idiot anymore. nevermind what am i saying? sigh. i just need someone to hug now, to understand how i feel. every night i sleep i just feel so worthless and empty i cant describe the feeling of it.


i wish everyone would understand this without me having to tell them, but that's impossible. sometimes i think about the future and i wonder if i'll stay single for the rest of my life. well i'll buy a dog to keep me company. i've always wanted one. i've always wanted a big house, a nice bed, sigh there i go again im complaining. i know i shouldnt complain because my life aint that bad compared to people in Africa and so on, like in the earthquake areas of Japan, but when i look at everyone around me they all seem to be living happier and more comfortable lives than me.


big houses with many levels, a pet, nice clothes and pretty faces and close friends. honestly i feel like im close to no one at all. because i have no secrets about me and whatsoever. i dont blame my parents, im grateful that they have given me the best of what they could afford, and that's why i just feel this helpless, sad and forgotten unspecial feeling. i feel like telling this to someone but i have no one to tell.


sigh i just feel like i dont belong anywhere. wherever i go people are always better off than me, i've never really met someone in my church or school who lives like me. and i feel left out and like a fish out of water. everywhere i go people are talking about brands and items and all of that which i dont know about. and i dont try to fit in because thats not me. i want to be me. when can i break free of this harsh reality? if anyone in the political arena is reading this, please help the middle-class in Singapore. The lower income families have help from the government, and the rich survive, but where do we belong?


sigh God help me, i dont know what else to say, im too tired to pray earnestly, sigh im just really tired and annoyed and irritated at everything.

A butterfly landed.5:01 AM
I love the way you are.♥